The Hills Are Alive...with the Sound of Bitching

If you didn't watch it, shut up. If you did watch it, shut up. There has been such a negative response to poor Carrie Underwood's attempt at interpreting Julie Andrews' impeccable Maria in The Sound of Music that I feel the need (okay egotistical desire) to weigh in (no poundage jokes people) on the subject.
Yes, I watched it. Yes it was uneven and awkward at times. And yes, I read the vitriol of certain, sometimes envious (& usually anonymous) actors, on the web griping about it. Pretty much no one could reproduce Andrews' classic performance in the film  or anywhere else. But the role requires clear soaring vocals that nail the vocalises in this story. But hey, Carrie never said she was better than Andrews, Carrie (as far as I know) never said she was better than anyone else and she never claimed to be an actress or a dancer. For those who complain that that was the problem, I doubt Katy Perry or even Madonna (who went to GREAT trouble to secure the Evita film role) let alone any other pop princess could have handled them, good vocalists that they are.
Actors who are eating their sour grapes should be gracious enough to realize that hitting your marks while singing your ass off isn't the same as singing/doing The Hokey Pokey even when you ARE trained to do so. I think those actors (the aforementioned "anonymous" ones) who complained owe an apology to someone who was freakin' brave enough to take it on--namely Carrie. She gave it her best shot and personally I think perhaps the direction might have been a little shaky or perhaps awkwardness inducing at the least.
If you want to complain, you might point out the Captain's housekeeper (checked IMDB couldn't find her credit) who spoke to Maria with an odd, hesitating response to questions and then repeated the lines in the same way. 
I'd have probably re-cast Audra McDonald as the Mother Abbess only because her vocals took the songs to operatic levels, a lovely ability but a bit out of orbit for a Broadway type performance.
When I read those "anonymous" actors whining I wanted to scream out "Hey, get an agent if you're so damned talented and professional, THEN you might have enough standing to criticize someone else!" (It's always the cowardly "anonymous" ones who complain the most bitterly and loudly.)
Now I realize that any creative careers for lack of a better term this late at night, are to say the least FRUSTRATING. Not to mention COMPETITIVE. But that's the nature of these beasts and I might be naive in thinking we can dredge up some type of graciousness but I still think Carrie Underwood deserves an E for effort. Like I said, live performance is hard even if you've been classically trained since you could gurgle out "mama" as a ten-month-old.
Everybody step back and think about your scariest live performance (or imagine one if you don't actually sing/act/dance) and give Miss Underwood a little credit. 

The Egypsy Has Spoken.

Vacancy/No Vacancy

Now that I won't be dragged screaming and kicking from California, I think I've finally figured something out. I feel so strongly about this that I'm going to blog about it.
For time untold people from other places have denigrated Los Angeles and in fact pretty much everyone who lives here in the Golden State. They say we're shallow. They say we're stupid. An estranged relative of mine even snapped that "You're all phonies out there! You're all a bunch of actors!"
Well, okay, that pretty much hits the mark. But in defense of our "vacancy" let me put forth this:
Yes, we may be blond. Yes, we may actors. And yes, we may have so much plastic in our bodies we barely qualify as human beings any longer, but I still love us and our blank positivity. Why?
Because as actors/entertainers, we're under constant stress to perform, to attain and amass huge quantities of fame, money, and more fame and money and in order to do that we sacrifice, we struggle uphill with that vacant smile on our faces, refusing to acknowledge that we're down or desperate and that underneath it all, that gnawing fear of the possibility of getting it all, losing it all, getting it all again and then losing it permanently (some of us are personally acquainted with this) hangs over our souls like vampire glitter. And we do this as we drive on our freeways as thick and twisted and stressful as Medusa's head. (No, NOT MEDEA, MEDUSA. Look it up in Greek mythology ya' little Freakles! And DON'T steal my nicknames. I will find and out you!)

It pisses me off to no end when I hear people (still!) bitch "Don't tell ME to have a good day! I'll have whatever day I want!" in response to our "Have a nice day!" rejoinders.
Don't you foolish people understand?
We're DE-Stressing.
When we ask you "How are you?" as we take your order or ring up your grocery receipt, we're not really asking. And when we respond, "Fine!" we're not really telling. And when we tell you to have a nice day, we're saying "I have no idea who you are and I really don't care."
Shallow? Cruel? Inconsiderate?
Bite your tongue (those who don't have pierced ones)!
Not at all!
We know that if we ask each other how we are, we really don't want to open up that can of snakes (Medusa, get it yet?). Just like we know that giving a truthful answer isn't what we want to know either. Most times we don't want to open up either's can of snakes--it's all we can do to deal with it alone.
So we level it out. We shallow it. ALL of us have drama going on in our lives; some of it horrific, some of it silly. The value of our vacancy is our knowledge of where the drama really belongs and where we put it: in front of the camera.
Have a nice day!

The Egypsy Has Spoken.

Hello!
Haven't been here for a while but that doesn't mean I haven't been busy! Dealing first and foremost with health issues both mine and my family's and then travelling. Now I'm back and I have an actual moment or two to--yes, you know it--rant about minutiae. 
I hate it when this happens.  Dreaded intellectualism rears its ugly self up into my brain and makes me watch smarty pants television.  Yes, I know television and smart? Damn near impossible. (If you want to argue with me on this point, all I can say is "Honey Boo Boo")
What is this smarty pants show I refer to? Well, it certainly isn't the SyFy channel. No no no, it's the divinely produced directed and acted series, The Borgias. And I hate that I love it so much. Hell, I'm not even a true fan of The Renaissance. But that's me. While everyone is soaking up Game of Throbs, er, throats, er tes--oops, I mean Game of Thrones, there I am watching what is aptly billed The Original Crime Family, eyes sucked out and glued to the hi def screen. How did this happen? I was flipping through channels, desperate as usual for something of substance to watch (heel evil intellect, heel I say!) I stopped at The Borgias and that was it. Hooked from the opening credits, I've been running away as fast and hard as I can but it always manages to sink its wicked nails into my brain. And it has nothing to do with my obsession with history. From Jeremy Irons' Rodrigo Borgia to Mark Phelan's drunk, this is a brilliant piece of work by anyone's standards. It's one of the few shows I can watch as a total fan without noticing details like lighting, props, etc., and etc., that's how perfected this series is. Besides, Irons is MADE for those Papal robes. If I had to use one word to describe it: delicious.
That was a nice rant I guess.
Oh, here's something that pisses me off: when people friend me or connect with me somewhere and immediately pitch their product to me. I know because I used to do it too. Now I realize how annoying it is, and I hate people doing it to me. If you want to sales pitch me, say so. That way I can ignore you.
Hey I wouldn't be me if I didn't bitch about something!

Latest favorite song/video: SAIL by AWOLNATION. Check out the video:

LOVE his screaming voice.

The Egypsy Has Spoken.

Hobbit or Hobbled?

Dare I say it? I haven't seen The Hobbit yet, even after I promised to review it.  Scarier is the admission that I probably won't in the near future, even on pay per view. Why? The nearest I can figure is that I'm just plain uninterested. Here's a horrid confession from a sci-fi/fantasy/etc., novelist: I'm burnt the hell out.  I've completely overdosed on CG/live action film and that's a confession that horrifies even me. I never thought I'd live to say it but there it is hanging out for the world to see. To quote Jerry Seinfeld, "That's one big Matzo ball."

You know this is all Hollywood politics' fault. If this film had been done fairly soon after the LOTR I'd have been right there first in line like I was for Fellowship, Two Towers and Return of the King. But no. The execs had to wrangle each other for years to get Peter Jackson to come back and film the damned thing the way only he can!  I finally gave up reading the trades and figured when they realized they wanted even more money, the film would go into production.

And it did.

However, Hollywood greed as it often does, reared its tentacled head and they did the unthinkable: padded the story. I guess the heads figured they could exploit the fan's love of the original characters in the LOTR films such as Legolas (shoulda' seen that coming!) by shoving them into the Hobbit story even though they never appeared in the book. Not only did they stick in people who don't belong there, apparently they've added subplots or plot points that never existed in the original either. The most insulting thing of all is that they stretched out the Hobbit story into THREE (3) films!

I may be wrong here but nowhere did there seem to be the hoopla and anticipation of the beloved LOTR releases over The Hobbit's debut. It seemed to have a bit of fanfare, premiered and released and then dove right into the pay-per-view netherworld where it may or may not belong. As I said I have not seen the film.

But in  a way it serves Hollywood right. They insult the audience by messing with the story line and character changes as if the audience is too stupid to realize what the hell they're trying to do. I mean come on, dragging the story out to three books? I might have actually accepted that had it been released say, what, five years ago? 

I think I'd still be enthusiastic and still excited had I not had to wait an insulting amount of time between all of these books.

But the problem here is that in the meantime between warring Hollywood factions there has been a glut of other, more CG capable movies released in that time causing my OD of visuals.

And no amount of hot hot hot dwarves is going to assuage my fury.  Of course that may be the only reason I DO see the film. 

~~The Egypsy Has Spoken~~

By Hook or By...

Okay gang. It's time for another music rant exposition. Oh come on, you knew this was coming and waaaayy overdue.


Once again we're going to talk hooks in music. Most of you know or should know what the "hook" is and for those of you who don't: it's the chorus or melody that is CATCHY.  In other words, it's the part you always sing along to and sometimes the only part you know the words to.


Now, every year there's usually one song that grabs you by the throat with it's hook and never lets go. It's the song that burns itself into the auditory section of your brain permanently and can't be removed without a brain wipe. Think Bee Gees...any song.
Now also usually the hook song is generally a commercial hit, the biggest of the year too.
(I'm not including other genre'/style--I'm talking big commercial stations, not alternative or rock. Keep reading and you'll see why.)


This year the award goes to...dah dah dah DAH: Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye! As with most smash hits, this song doesn't have ONE hook; every line is a hook. This is the song that you may not even like or that you've heard a bazillion times and yet you HAVE to listen to it when it comes on. It's mandatory even if you don't WANT to hear it on the radio. That's why it's called the "Hook." And you're the little fish dangling at the end of it. 


With hooks this good, this type of song runs through your brain incessantly at times, even when you don't realize it, like when you're humming it walking down the street scaring the hell out of people or singing the second verse while you're perusing the grocery store for dinner("Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over...") or when you suddenly break into the chorus in the Friends of the Library book store. Unlike other human musical connections, people don't smile at you when you do this. Why? Is your voice that atonal or off-key? No. Are you too  loud and distracting? No. They're giving you hard looks because now they're going to have it running through their heads for hours or days. "Thanks  loads," that's what they're thinking.


And with a song like Somebody, the hooks are so damned good that it crosses over radio programming! 

I've heard this song on alternative radio (where it started as far as I know) to Soft Rock stations to Power Pop stations to Love Song stations to soft jazz stations. Now that's a damned hook for you.


Don't even tell me that you don't like this style of music. I was never a fan of the Bee Gees disco era and yet I can still sing the line "You should be dancing, yeah!" unwillingly at the oddest times. Like now when I mentioned them above and now when I have it screeching through my head right now. 


Don't believe me? Unless you never listen to anything but rock or alternative or jazz or soft jazz and never change the radio station when you drive (MP3'ers go without saying) you'll slap your hand over your forehead at the list below, going "Oh yeah I should have known that!" 

Ready? Here we go.

"Hey There Delilah" -- Plain White T's
"It's Not Over" Chris Daughtry (my personal pick for best "man voice" in recent years even overshadowing Ronny Dunn of Brooks & Dunn)
"Since You've Been Gone", "Break Away", "Behind These Hazel Eyes" and pretty much every release by Kelly Clarkson
Any song by Pink
Any rap song that has Rhianna singing the chorus
Viva La Vida and Clocks by Coldplay


And that's just a handful of them. I'm sure you can reel off a bazillion more. But then again, those killer hooks are what makes it a hit in the first place. I've said this before a trillion times and I'll say it again and KEEP saying it: commercial success DOES NOT mean musical selling out. Examples: Sting. Nirvana, Goo Goo Dolls, U2, on and on and on.


Say what you like, I can virtually assure you that five, ten, fifteen, even twenty years from now, you're going to be humming, singing, or bashing your fist against your temple trying to get Somebody out of your brain. Don't believe that either?

"There's nothing I can say,
A total eclipse of the heart..."

WITH PEN IN HAND...

Something odd happened today. Perhaps I should say something rare happened. The overwhelming desire to write prose—descriptive prose no less—clutched at my heart and made me pick up a pen and scribble this as homage to my lost art and creativity.

While this may not impress those authors who never abandoned the classic cursive urges, it surprised and shocked me somewhat since my mantra for the last few years has been write it tight and concise. What caused this rare obsession to let the cursive juices flow? I can only surmise that it has to do with the fact that I've been having problems with the actual mechanics of writing in longhand. Guess what caused that? Yep, the dreaded keyboard addiction. Lately I've put myself on yet another Internet fast. I barely open my social media and have written nary a word of fiction in weeks. I've been outside soaking up the sun and fooling with the garden and I'm a little embarrassed to admit I have an actual relationship with a pair of hummingbirds who dive bomb me when they don't get their showers.

With all the technology left in the dark recesses of my desk, my cursive skills are improving and therein lays the surprise—or maybe not.  Maybe you've come to the same revelation and conclusion I have: the physical act of writing longhand has triggered a release of my creative writing urges, something I'd thought long lost with the advent of my novel writing duties and deadlines. Their return has proved sweeter than bitter, opening up my soul to that beautiful yearning to place words on paper and create an image that evokes emotion and response. Can art be far behind? I pray not.

But a concern is raised in my mind and heart when I hear that teachers are lobbying to stop teaching children cursive entirely. It's a frightening possibility to me that if my lifelong creative abilities have been affected and stifled by writing on keyboard, what will cessation of cursive do to those lovely tiny forming minds? We evolved because we have opposable thumbs; we've communicated because we taught ourselves—rather developed—our ability to write out our thoughts, actions, emotions, and calculations. From pictographs to calligraphy we've released and cultivated our creativity over our existence and stopping our children from manipulating their hands just might stop them and us existing as sentient beings, slaves to our technology rather than freed by our creativity. That image terrifies me. Not so much the fear of technology it's a great help to us, but fear of the retardation of our ability to think, to create, to philosophize and to solve. What is true existence without beauty? What is life without music or art or writing? My great fear is that we'll trade beauty and love for convenience and sterility. That we'll drown in our problems because we can no longer reason out solutions. Perhaps I'm reaching but I don't think so. I vote for being safer than sorrier in this case. It's not going to hurt the teachers and it may help if not save our future great minds from utter creative deprivation if cursive is continued and it just might keep us moving forward as a species. Much of music is mathematical, much of art is geometrical, and much of philosophy and writing is mechanical and all began with the movements of the human hand in tandem with the human mind; our technology began with human hands. Without flexible manipulation of those, our minds cannot expand and twist and grow. Those very creative urges that have returned in me might very likely never even develop in those who have never picked up a pen or pencil or brush. And that terrifies me completely.

So the return of the creative muses to my side brings both elation and sorrow. I hope and pray that the very "social" media we worship isn't the same "social" media that isolates us from real emotion, real humanity, and finally, real love. 

The Egypsy Has Spoken.

The Egypsy's Travelogue: Roads Less Traveled

Sitting at this keyboard, in my warm pajamas (hey, it's 9 p.m. on The Left Coast) and drinking coffee with sweet cream out of my cup from the Roman Baths (Gorgon's head insignia), I feel the need to expound a little more on my recent travels. Last time I told you about my reverse fantasy or foolishness of wanting to see the history in the form of those who made it—literally, those who made it. Since then I've had a little time to recover and think about the trip a little more and I thought I'd maybe I'd talk about the current history—nay, the current culture and what impressions got pressed into the creases in my brain.

It's funny but my family and I have always taken the roads less traveled along with the ones everybody's traveled. The last time we were in Great Britain, we got to see things the majority of visitors don’t get the chance to do so. We went through the indescribably gorgeous Yorkshire Dales, up through the Scottish Border country (flowers the size of prehistory blooms!) the Scottish Highlands, and stopped for petrol at the North Sea! How many people think about the North Sea, let alone think about visiting it?

Then the requisite stops at Loch Ness, Urquhart Castle, and mom desperately trying to get a shot of Nessie…unsuccessfully. Unfortunately, those photos were taken before the advent of the digital camera so will have to wait in the murky future to be posted online.

This time was a little different as well. Based in London, Marble Arch to be specific, it was a shocking concept of walking everywhere or rushing to squeeze onto the Tube to ride three stops to where you wanted to be, especially for an Angeleno like me. You've heard the song "Nobody Walks In LA" by Missing Persons? Well, it's true. A comedian here once said the truism that in Hollywood you just keep making right turns until you get where you want to be. Again, sadly, true. But then most humor is based on truth, like it or not.

We did the palaces, Hyde Park (my sister tripping out on her own), Kensington, and shopping in both Covent Gardens (interesting and it rained—loved it) and an amazing shopping spree in a place my (shoulda' been a travel agent) sister found called Portobello Road! We were so busy buying up everything we could find, I don't think we even stopped for photos! I'll check just to be sure…

Then again requisite: Paris. Bread and cheese at the base of the Eiffel Tower (too long of a wait to ride to the top so we took pics looking up into it, LOL! Lots of intricate and gilded architecture though we barely had an afternoon to enjoy it.

And then, fun! Bruxelles (Brussels to you Americanos) in Belgium—major requisite WAFFLES and astounding ones too—as well as the shot I'd been waiting for a lifetime: Mannequin Pis. Oh yeah, there ARE photos of THAT. Only photos can show you how beautiful and charming Brussels is. We even took photos of the waffles just to make you jealous, LOL! I'm surprised none of us passed out from the sheer astonishment of them!

Most of the time, heading off the beaten path makes the best traveling experience though I'd suggest you get a guide the first time if you're non-adventurous.

 I've already posted Salisbury Cathedral (*sigh* those cloisters!), Bath, and Stonehenge but tonight I'm going to post other photos we had a blast taking! (Another suggestion, take extra camera chips—you're going to be shooting everything!)

Let's see what I can find for you:

Munching on bread and cheese looking up the Eiffel Tower. (Photos courtesy The Egypsy)

Mannequin Pis and...

Waffles with Mannequin Pis...

One of the most wonderful things we did was actually GO inside the British Supreme Court and watch to the session LIVE! Virtually NOBODY does that! It's indescribable to hear the court that ours sprang from and to see them wearing YES, those white wigs! It nearly brought tears to our eyes, such an unexpected treasure that we just happened upon while walking in London!

I guess I DID get to see some history made!

All Photos Courtesy of The Egypsy

THE EGYPSY'S TRAVELOGUE

This will be a new column/feature on The Egypsy Speaks: The Egypsy's Travelogue. Guess what it's about. Yes, The Egypsy's travels. In other words I dig sharing my photos. And the places I've been. No telling when I'll post on the travelogue, but since there are a few of you die-hard Egypsy fans, I feel I owe it to you...or you owe it to me...
In any case in the PAST PERFECT post you will see the first installment of The Egypsy's Travelogue. I hope you enjoy it.
Thanks,
The Egypsy Has Spoken (and traveled)!

Photos: TheEgypsy

PAST PERFECT

"Is that all there is? If that's all there is my friends; then let's keep dancing…" You might remember that song from Peggy Lee. My mother used to tell me as a tween that that was my theme song. Unfortunately, it's followed me to adulthood.

I've just come back from a trip to London, Paris and Brussels and while the trip was both a whirlwind and astounding at times, there was something missing. Some of my longtime dreams were fulfilled on that trip and I got to visit places I'd only dreamed of: the Roman Baths at Bath, England, Stonehenge, and an unexpected joy in seeing Salisbury Cathedral—definitely my favorite so far! And therein lays my Theme Song.

The sites that I've fantasized about seeing for so long were just a wee bit…deficient. Not that they weren't beautiful or historic or simply astonishing—they were to the max. Riding the Euro Star has to be the best way of traveling Europe, at least for us. My only complaint about the Tube in London is that it has so many stairwells to climb it nearly amounted to torture for one who needs a knee replacement and soon. Still, there really isn't anywhere you can't get to in London that's as efficient! But even with all that, I was a tiny bit let down.

"What the hell is my problem?" I asked myself. "I should be fainting from ecstasy." I thought about it as the landscapes changed back to Britain from France and Belgium. It wasn't a bad trip, it wasn't disappointing. So what was is that niggled at the back of my brain? What was it that I yearned for as we emerged from the Chunnel back into the magical land of England? What was it that pulled at me as I stared at the place where I could believe in Merlin and King Arthur, in fairies and Elves, in all manner of Fey along with the stunning real history of this place?

It hit me. The history was what was missing. I'd read about these places, nay, made an obsession of them. I knew much about the Romans coming to Britain and creating the famous baths. I'd grown up with Stonehenge; I'd grown up with Shakespeare's MacBeth, Julius Caesar, and A Midsummer Night's Dream, stories of Fey and everything from Sarum to Salisbury and all in between.

But they weren't there. I'd loved the country, the people, and the sheer history of it all. But those historical people weren't there; I'd been fantasizing backward. I guess somewhere in my obsessive mind I thought they would be; alive and well and doing historical things. I wanted to see those serfs, those knights those kings and queens who wrote history with their words and actions. I wanted to see fairies dancing in waters and Elves teaching Men how to be honorable. I wanted to see those Romans bathing and not just for prurient enjoyment. No, I wanted to see them, hear them watch them make that history in Britain, Rome, and the Western World as we know it.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I take my history a little too seriously or maybe I just live in a fantasy past. Maybe I've studied too long and too deep. Or maybe I'm just nuts…probably.

In any case the only way I can bring those people to life is to do so in story. Maybe that's why I write fiction. It's that yearning desire to see and connect with those people I've imagined for so long. Maybe that's what all historians and archaeologists yearn for; that connection with the people whose personalities shaped the world we now live in. Perhaps they longed to see us too; to see who and what we've become, what we've learned to do, what we've created that will affect those who live after us. We may not be able to see it, that thread of history that runs through us all: those who've come before, those of us here now, and those of us to come, but we all feel it regardless of the time passed or time yet to come. All in all, I'm still grateful that I got to see what is left of our past connection even if I wasn't able to see the ghosts who walked there.

Photos: The Egypsy

Time To Get Your Dream On

First of all, since people refuse to stop following this ancient blog, I feel the onus of having to actually create a post for it. So, because people have things they hate to do, as in errands, I thought I'd ask you to fantasize a little with me. Let's pretend we all have pounds and pounds of money and we can afford to hire help to do those annoying, aggravating chores that we'd like to ignore but in no way can.

Now I don't care how you fantasize you obtained all this money; unless you did so illegally but that's another fantasy altogether. Just pretend you have it, okay? Don't make things difficult.

What is it you would love to hire someone to do for you on a regular basis and sexual activities are prohibited—I know you—anyway there has to be something you despise to do.

I'll start.  I loathe and detest grocery shopping. Oddly, I adore cooking. In fact I love cooking for large amounts of people as well as myself and one other. But if I see one more broccoli floret I'll scream. I've been banned from more than a few stores for doing just that. Well, okay I did rant and rave about the horrible inedible produce loudly to anyone near enough to hear and possibly be as disgusted as me.

I don't mind cooking, cleaning, laundry—the whole housewifey thing—at all. I love it at times. But that grocery shopping drudgery I'd give up in a nanosecond. I fantasize (all the time mind you) that I write out a list or lists for breakfasts, lunches, dinners (and hopefully dinner parties) and hand them off to an "assistant" who can both size up an onion and be back in under four hours. Hey, I expect a lot of competence and discernment at the cash register or preferably before.

Okay I've confessed. What about you? What is that one thing you'd love to make someone else do for you? Don't be shy. There's gotta be something—taking out the garbage? Washing the car? Cleaning the windows (I actually enjoy that too), what is it?

If you're going to follow The Egypsy, you'd better be prepared to participate. I don't do this for fun. I do it because you won't leave me alone.

Get your damned dream on and get with the program!

The Egypsy Has Spoken

Sitcoms--What Works and What Doesn't

Since this blog only gets occasional follower adds (it reads 3 but I've got a gazillion notices of followers) I only occasionally post here. I kind of keep it as a sort of dust bin of posts that don't really belong anywhere else but I want to rant or postulate on some random subject. Today I feel like the big P. 
So, we're going to talk. Rather, I'm going to talk and you're going to read. And if you don't I'll find out about that too. That line is from Seinfeld and the correct and much better line is given by J. Peterman to Elaine and it really is about twenty years ahead of it's time:
"Oh, and if you are undead, I'll find out about that too." delivered flawlessly by John O'Hurley.
And of course that got me thinking about sitcoms and what works and what doesn't.
First off what does work: settings in apartments or houses with multiple residents. 
Now I could ramble off unlimited pilots and successfully established television shows over the decades since radio performances morphed into television but let me just list a few:
Seinfeld
Golden Girls
Cosby
and the new and hilarious Raising Hope.
Why do they work?
Because they're a microcosm of real life, shown in all its sanity and insanity. As in, truth is funnier than reality. And skewed truth is the funniest of all. There are so many great lines that stick with people and if they don't they should. 
Simple lines are best: Rose Nyland of Golden Girls being prepped for meeting the President:
Presidential Aide: "Do you support the overthrow of the government by force or violence?"
Rose: "Violence!"
Plus there are the characters who are both constant and have developed personalities. You could rarely mistake Rose Nyland for Blanche Devereaux or Sophia Petrillo and I don't mean height either.
Seinfeld has the same qualities.
Not one of the four characters could possibly be mistaken for the others. 
And yet that is not the main reason why sitcoms fly or fail.
Guess what it is.
SETTING.
Almost all successful, beloved sitcoms are set in homes and or apartments. Think about it:
Seinfeld
Friends
Golden Girls
Again, Cosby.
You have the continuity and relatability of the same characters that you can grow to love (or hate).
What doesn't work?
HOTELS. 
With the exception of Fawlty Towers which succeeded by the sheer virtue of the talent and writing, nearly if not all, sitcoms set in a hotel have either failed dismally or fizzled out slowly. And for the reasons listed above.
No real sense of continuity, many of the funniest characters come and go as hotel guests, not residents. Those who are stable characters must deal with a constantly changing cast and plot lines. While it might not be boring, it's not identifiable. People don't live in hotels unless  they're luxury suites in major cities. Most of the time hotel rooms are simply functional. You're squeezed into a small room with one or two beds, a bathroom,  TV with nothing really watchable on it, desk, chest of drawers, and a table and chair by the window. That's how I picture hotels where the lobby is more comfortable than my room. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that's your memory too.
Speaking of lobbies, most of the time, as gorgeous as they can be, they're impersonal unlike a home or apartment. Home is where you live. Hotels are where you stay on occasion. Once more, impersonal and uncomfortable. Think Who's The Boss. People live together in myriad ways either with family, friends, or live-in help. 
In a hotel setting, besides the main 4-6 characters, they have to deal with help: cooks, maids, generally unknown people unless there's a romance or other subplot. Then again, those people have to become regulars or what's the point? Where's the resolution? What happens to that lesser character? They might have great lines but unless they become a regular, who cares really?
It's like a huge unmanageable dirigible. And even then, I think that might have a regular cast of character too that regularly interact with each other as the blimp meanders over nations, oceans, mountains but that's another sitcom plot and I think it's a little Steampunkish as well not to mention a worn out sci-fi plot too. AND DON'T EVEN THINK OF STEALING THIS IDEA. Like J. Peterman said, "If you try, I'll find out about that too."
The Egypsy Has Spoken.

Martin, I knew you could do it!

A few years ago I ragged on Martin Scorsese for making mainly violent and sexually explicit films. With HUGO he has made me eat my words! Well, actually, he finally made me proud! I knew he could do it; I knew if he tried, being the great directorial talent he is, that he could break away from that overused mold and give us something wonderful! And he has. 
See Martin? I knew you had it in ya'! 
What I can't understand is how Brad Pitt got nominated and Leo DiCaprio didn't! What goes on here?!? Perhaps it's just because everyone expects Leo to kick ass in every role he takes on. Who knows? I certainly don't. Well, taking into account campaigning...don't get me started on that...
What's surprising to me is how uninterested I am in this year's Oscars ceremony. Strange considering that some damned great films and performances were given in this class. I think I'm just plain burnt out on Hollywood. When I get more excited about the arrangement of the song "Hooray For Hollywood" than who's winning what, I think that's a safe assumption. Or maybe it's just because everyone's being so damned civil. Oh no, am I going to start demanding graphic sex and violence? Help me Martin, help me!
Okay enough blabbering from The Egypsy.
Hey, I only do it once a year...just like the Academy...
The Egypsy Has Spoken.

The Summer(s) of GaGa

What a year it's been!
I like to call it The Summer of GaGa that began last year and hasn't lost steam yet! I can't help it I love her outfits. That's what I would have been wearing in high school if they had been around then. The closest to her style back then I guess would be Bob Mackie designing for Cher. Ah, well.
In any case aside from the meat get up (what a waste of dinners!) I think she's decked out better than Madonna could ever be. And I'm a sucker for a hook. No, not meat hook, get over it already. I'm talking "no matter how much you hate it, that song chorus sticks in your mind forever" hook--probably like the one that drove Schumann mad --and 20 years from now, you'll be singing along with your car (radio? CD? MP3? Direct plug-in from the station to your brain?) audio as if you've loved the song forever--trust me it will happen! Think BeeGees...
Then there was my constant haranguing you on Twitter over 30 Seconds To Mars' version of Bad Romance which has to be one of the best covers I've heard in...well at least a decade or two...(listen I owned my first record at two and a half-no damned joke) and then there's The Pretty himself singing it which doesn't hurt the suggestive lyric re-write either! Hey, they had their own more than risque' video "Hurricane"--Talk about a Baaad Romance!
But without a doubt, without a doubt my lovelies, my absolute favorite bit of entertainment was when one wonderful soul sent me the YouTube video of The Wood Spider (check it out here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRfoSlH4QcI ) which will give me endless hours of pleasure for mostly likely the rest of my life. I'm a simpleton simple person.
I crapped out on seeing movies this year. Just wasn't interested for some reason...like busy with my own projects...and the premises just sounded better than what the trailers showed.
I think this last year was also the year I first heard of and watched the cult film "Spider Baby" a real creepy crawlie of a movie...hmm Wood Spider, Spider Baby...maybe it should have been The Summer of Spiders...eek, never been a fan.
Oh, I could go on and on but I'm sure I've lost your short attention span by now and I'm close to losing mine so it's a safe bet to end it here.
Perhaps I'll introduce a poll or two or some other fun little app for you. Perhaps not.
In any case, I'll be back again never fear. I've tried to quit this blog since 2005 and haven't been able to give it up yet. That's because I can bitch and rant and rave on any number of unimportant subjects and laugh at you as I do it!
Hey, it keeps me off the streets. (Oh, yeah, like I could make money from that...)

The Egypsy Has Spoken.

Future Imperfect Book Two:Miraculous Deception

Book Two Future Imperfect: Miraculous Deception (to the left, to the left!) is available now via Desert Breeze Publishing, Amazon.com & barnesandnoble.com! If you liked Book One: Crucifying Angel this is the next in the series and picks up where CA leaves off. Here's a little teaser for ya!

Gavin and Nick sat in Charlie's office, silent, shamefaced, bruised and most definitely


hostile. The chief of police paced back and forth around his desk, beyond angry.

"Look at you -- both of you. You're like a couple of bruised up kindergarteners. I don't

know what to say. I have never -- never -- had two detectives fighting each other like two drunks

outside a bar. What the hell is the matter with you?"

Neither man answered.

"Nick?" Charlie waited.

"It's this asshole. He moves into Payce house and immediately starts boinking Amy

Strand from Channel Eight."

Gavin opened his mouth to respond but never got the chance.

"You brought the press into this?" Charlie stared at Gavin, round-eyed.

"Well, not in so many words..." Gavin pressed two fingers against his black eye. "It was

just, sort of... bad judgment. Besides that, nothing ha--"

"Bad judgment? I'll tell you what bad judgment is, McAllister. Bad judgment was the

damned day I hired you."

Gavin said nothing. What could he say?

"That's putting it mildly,' Nick snorted. "Payce--"

"Whoa." Charlie held up an open palm. "I don't want to know what weird triangle you

three have going here, though it's a safe bet Payce has no idea what's going on--"

"She doesn't," Gavin said in a tired voice. His eye began to ache.

"You made damn sure of that you British fu--"

"Nick!" Charlie said. "Enough already. Now, because of the scarcity of budget and

personnel, I am not going to suspend you both or fire you -- which I should -- I am going to let

you both off, each with a written warning." Charlie sat down behind his desk. "You two are

going to have to work this out or I will fire you both and I'll make damn sure you won't be able to

get a job as a security guard in a parking lot. Do you understand me?"

"We're still partners?" Nick deflated a little. Gavin understood the feeling.

"Yes. I can't think of a better punishment for the both of you. You can work it out or

resign. That's your choice now boys. You are dismissed. Get out of my office." Charlie ignored

them swiveling his chair around to gaze out his window at the rapidly rotting city of Las Vegas.
 

*****

Now, if you liked that, guess what!?! Yes, it's another book! Only this time I co-authored it with my sister, Loni Emmert and it's a mystery as opposed to a thriller! I'll be posting an excerpt from that the first chance I get !
In the mean time babies, feel free to up my self esteem by leaving a comment.
The Egypsy Has Spoken!

It's Been A While...

It has been a while since I've visited my little blog here--yes, I know I'm so lax in keeping it up but I really and truly have an excuse this time. It's called getting books published and it takes a hell of a long time both in terms of writing the novel and promoting it shamelessly. I know also that I should utilize this blog more but life just gets in the way on occasion. That being said, I thank my three, yes, count 'em three (3) followers for hanging in there (if you're doggedly still around)! And if you ARE around (or undead, I'll find out about that too--come on you know where that line came from) and are interested in writing or my opinion, http://www.sellingbooks.com/p-i-barrington-author-interview is the link for my latest interview, out today!
I don't keep this blog as a strictly writing blog, mainly because I look at this one as the one fun writing project where I can be...well, me, in all my bitchy glory. Hey, everyone needs an outlet and this is mine.
Right now I feel like a truant English student, ignoring my deadlines and promo opps to wreak havoc upon this little blog and just ramble away with no important writing or other tips and essays for you. I have to admit that my brain does feel a little jello-ish right now what with all this freedom from work. And yes, writing is work. It's just as much work as a factory worker (hmm...there's an interesting thought...a writing factory...I feel an idea coming on...) or a short order cook or a truck driver or an office worker.  The only difference is your boss isn't standing right over you...unless you count your Editor emailing you every five minutes...I made that up...they only email every fifteen minutes. Wait a minute! How did I digress back into writing again?!
No, damn it, no! I'm going to have fun now. Come on, fun, come on. I know you're hiding around here someplace.
Music is my fun. I love it. I love everything about it. I'm debating whether to actually begin reviewing or recommending artists here or put them on my official website. Or double post them. We'll see.
Hey, I just noticed something. On my earlier post, I placed a banner for 30 Seconds to Mars announcing their Las Vegas show tonight. Eerie how I have an obsession for pyramids and they have an obsessive love for triads...kinda spooky. Well though, I also have an obsession with squares and lines, and even, (gasp again!) plaid. Once I bought plaid bed sheets and plaid PJs. And then I wonder why people (including my family members) think I'm a strange woman. It has something to do with linear thought I guess. That's what I tell myself...every day, every single day...
Because I'm having so much stolen fun, I feel generous. I'm going to be nice to 30STM and post their next show banner if I can get it right. A sort of pay it forward concept I guess.



In any case, that's my musical good deed for the day or week or month, who knows when I'll be back--and what I'll be thinking about in linear terms? Pop in every once in a while and leave a comment. How else I am going to remember to come back?
You can even give me your opinion and we can argue about it! I'm good at that. Reeeeeaallly good at it. So, if you dare...

The Egypsy Has Spoken.

In keeping with the location of my book series, Future Imperfect...

...which is set in (gasp!) Las Vegas, I thought I'd post this. If you're in Sin City, check them out...did the best live cover of a song I've heard in ages with Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. Yes, my friends sometimes less IS more!
Later babies!
The Egypsy Has Spoken.

"And so this is Christmas..."

Yeah, you may recognize that line from John Lennon's Christmas song not only if you're old enough like me, but also because they play it like crazy on the radio during the Christmas Holiday season. It's also one of those classics that I could listen to over and over and over again. Why? Because of the end of that one line that completes it: "And so this is Christmas and what have you done?"
That one line without fail triggers reflection on my part on just what I have or have not done during the year that is quickly fading into the past.
I've managed to do a lot this year, including having incredible luck with one book published and three more for the upcoming year as well as incessant promotion and publicity for them (read=interviews, interviews, interviews, and book reviews).
On my various Yahoo Groups (OK, I promised AlleyPat I'd mention hers--WritingandPublishing--) authors look at this time as an opportunity to set goals for the coming year. I rarely do this myself--being of Gypsy descent and being of Gypsy descent and working in Hollywood, I am doubly superstitious about talking about projects before completion but I must confess here that I do love reading all the wonderful resolutions of other authors which are invariably creative and practical (and useful in giving me ideas as to what to shoot for in 2010)!
Some are simple: finishing that unpublished book; polishing a completed manuscript and submitting it; and a few who, bless their little hearts I know exactly what they go through, just want to be brave enough to let someone read their work! Babies, its taken me over 40 years to be able to get to and past that point, I so feel for ya'!
Others get a bit more detailed: getting more writing work whether editing, article writing, launching magazines--something to which I could never aspire--or merely learning enough tech to set up a new website as I plan.
Some people never make resolutions for the simple reason they always break them. Some people make them and are successful at each one on their list. And then there are those who manage to keep at least one regardless of its scope and importance in their lives.
To all those brave souls who do not fear posting their plans, I salute you. I also thank you for listing things I should be doing but can't dredge them from my protesting brain--you give me that little bit of impetus that hopefully will push me over the top in getting things done!
Plus, it's just so much fun sharing in others' hopes and dreams and realizing that most of theirs are mine as well.
So, here's to 2010, babies!
To quote John,
"Let's hope its a good one..."

The Egypsy has spoken.

Audio Assault

Alright, for the two actual followers I have--yes you must put up with another promo for Crucifying Angel, Book One of the Future Imperfect series (Hey I worked in entertainment in promotion whaddya' expect?) but this time its an actual audio assault on ya'! Click on the following link to hear my first online radio interview where you can hear my 'big sexy radio voice'! It was great fun and I hope you like it as much as I did doing it!
Check it out @:
www.blogtalkradio.com/Whats-Hot-In-Romance Search P.I. Barrington/December 14, 2009

Thanks little ones!
Loves ya'!

The Egypsy has spoken.

P.I. Barrington's 10(+) Quick Questions with Dave

Alright Already! I know I've driven you all absolutely mad with my incessant promos for the book, but that's just too bad my little ones! You're going to have to suck it up and deal with yet another one!
Actually, before I begin, I will create a new website after the first of the year so be on the lookout for that. It should be bigger in scope and deal with much more than just writing. More on that development later!
In any case, here's yet another interview with the caveat that since my ADD was acting up at this time, of course I had to answer ALL the questions!

P.I. Barrington's
10(+) Quick Questions with Dave

1) How did you first become interested in writing?

It wasn't something I wanted to do. In fact I pretty much ran the other way. I wanted to work in music, in the entertainment industry and put all of my drive into that. I did work in the industry, in radio and record labels and the epitome of my entertainment career was meeting Paul and Linda McCartney and having a little private chat with them. Once I left the industry my family kept nagging to write something, anything. I still refused, but about three or four years ago, picked it up again just to see if I still had it.

2) How long have you been actively writing?

I was a newspaper reporter a million years ago so journalism is my actual background—didn't really like the deadlines though. Of course now I've had about twenty deadlines in a month, lol! Fiction, as I said, actively about three years.

3) Do you currently write as a profession?

Yes. I'm extremely lucky that I am able to concentrate on it full time. I consider myself a fiction writer first.

4) If so, what titles have you put out and where can we find them?

Crucifying Angel, Book 1 of the Future Imperfect series is out now; in fact it was released November 1, 2009. Miraculous Deception, Book Two is underway. You can find Crucifying Angel at Amazon.com and of course through my publisher, DesertBreezePublishing.com. There's also a free downloadable cook book compiled from our roster of authors and their novels. My novel and all others at DBP are in e-book format at this time.

5) Who is your inspiration?

My religion, my family. My family supports basically anything I try.

6) Whose writing style does your work most resemble?

I think maybe Stephen King. When I was a kid, I tried different styles but nothing really clicked to the point I was both comfortable and prolific. When I first picked up Carrie in the 1970's I just got it. I understood the style immediately.

7) Do you write on a schedule?

Not really. I try to get some in during the morning when everybody else is asleep or at work. I usually hit my writing stride between 4 and 10 pm.

8) Do you write in one particular place?

Yes, I have a brand new desk in the corner of my living room!9) Do you write from home?
Yes, almost always, unless I'm making notes for plots, dialogue, etc.

10) Do you prefer to work in a quiet environment?

I prefer white noise in the background. Generally, the TV is on in the background. But I'm ADD so I get into deep focus on whatever I'm doing. My family will ask me questions, or make a comment and I just look up at them blindly, not seeing them or comprehending anything they say, lol!

11) Do you listen to music when you write? If so, what type of music do you listen to and why?

No. When I listen to music, I listen to music. I concentrate on that. Lots of people do listen to it while writing but it distracts me unfortunately. As I said, the television is on in the background as white noise for me.

12) Are you an avid reader?

I used to be. I was voracious and I never read in only one genre'. That limits your learning. I've read everything from Shakespeare to Tom Clancy to MAD Magazine (I've said this before but MAD is still my favorite.) I don't read anymore really, I've hit my style and don't want to absorb anything else that might influence it. It sounds snobby but I don't mean it that way. And I really don't have time to devote to actually reading an entire book.

13) Who are your favorite Authors?

There are so many. Colleen McCullough of course, James Michener, oldies like Taylor Caldwell and Mika Waltari, Stephen King—yes and no—I love his style but hate his subject matter—too depressing in the long run. As far as sci-fi and fantasy, Mary Stewart, Evangeline Walton's Mabinogyon series, Tolkien goes without saying. While I don't write in the genre' I adore historical NON-romance/NON-fantasy/sci-fi fiction. I'm a secret ancient history buff.

14) What is your goal in writing?

I want my readers to love my books, just as I've loved my favorite authors. I want them to be at least entertained if not moved a bit. There are books that I remember maybe one line or paragraph or chapter but it stays with me forever. I'd be honored if only one reader remembers a line from one of my books.

15) Would you rather write a book that sells millions of copies, but have it be "Celebrity Fluff" - or write an award winning novel that no one reads? And why does it matter?

You know, I often offend people with this answer but I've worked with some real biggies in the entertainment industry and I know for a fact that commercial success DOES NOT always equal bad work. Sting sells millions upon millions of CDs and yet his work as a musician is legitimate. I don't think anyone has ever accused him of being a sell-out or a bad musician.
Tom Clancy is a great writer as is McCullough and they've sold millions of books and had movies spawn from them. Stephen King is the best example of commercial success and great writing that exists. Writers worship him and still don't call him a sell-out. So, I can't choose. To me, sometimes people who shun major success are taking themselves too seriously to their own detriment.

16) Who was your first character? And how do you feel about that creation now?

The first character I even remember is still from the first writing contest I ever wrote for in grammar school. I had to write first person POV as the American flag. I won.

17) Do you write in the first person POV and why?

I have written in first person and I think I do it fairly well. I've studied everything, every POV that exists. I have at least two stories on the back burner in FPPOV. I'll do it if I'm writing a story where the first person is the narrator who is telling the story from an observer's point of view. I also do it when the FPPOV is the main character's point of view too and they're telling their own story.

18) Do you write in the third person POVand why?

Most of the time, my editors prefer it and the majority of all books are in third person. I don't mind it at all and Crucifying Angel/Future Imperfect is third person POV from the POV of almost all the characters in the series. I can move easily in and out of POVs but again, that's because I've read everything in every genre.

19) Should a sentence EVER start with 'but' or 'and'?

You know rules are made to be broken but first you have to comprehend the rules. You really have to know when and how (!) to break them with those two words. Yeah, in some cases I think its okay—just don't do it every other sentence!

20) If you couldn't ever write again, what would you be doing?

Art-painting, music in any of its facets, history studies-I'd love to go on an archeology dig in the Middle East.

21) Have you ever worked with an agent? And how was the experience?

Not yet.

22) Have you ever worked with a professional Editor or Editorial Service? Was it worth the money?

No, since I was a newspaper reporter I can and do try to self edit most of the time before I submit to my editors.

23) Have you used "Writing Software"? What do you think about such computer aided programs?

Oh, God. There was a huge discussion on this very subject on one of my Yahoo Groups. I have tried and tried and tried to use software and it just doesn't work for me personally. It's just not set up the way I'd like and most of the time the basic story's in my head anyway and I let work itself out. I wish I could advise a software designer on what I'd like to see in a program!

24) How long did it take to write your first book?

Let's see. From the time my editor commissioned me to write Crucifying Angel (no kidding!) to finishing the final edits—it took about six months minus the two missing months when my mother got deathly ill and I had to stop writing to take care of her full time. So, total, about four and a half months.

25) How many drafts do you make of a book before it is finalized? And how much
of a change is there between the first draft and the finished product?

I don't make drafts really. I have one main document and add to it as I go along. So many people participate in NanoWrimo in November and they'll do one giant unedited draft and then go back and perfect it. I can't do that, it doesn't work for me, for the way I write. I have to do it correctly the first time or I'll go off on tangents that are too divergent from the original story and I'll end up with a different story than I want. Also, I am an insane perfectionist when I go into deep focus. I live those stories.

26) Have you ever competed in the National Novel Writing Month event? What do think about such events?

See above!

27) How do you feel about Writers Groups or organizations?

I think they're okay as long as you're actually getting something out of them. I belong to at least one but it's difficult sometimes to participate even though I'm not that far away.

28) Do you belong to any writer's organizations?

Yes, as of now, I belong to Sisters in Crime, Los Angeles Chapter. I'm planning on joining the Romance Writers of America in the New Year.29) What is the longest amount of time you have spent writing in one sitting?
Maybe 10 hours. Due to the work schedules of my family I can't go all day and all night though I'd love to if I could. Also, I find that getting enough sleep/rest allows a story to percolate in my head.30) Do you use outlines or flowcharts to help you map out your plots?
That's another thing I've tried unsuccessfully. I ended up with index cards indecipherable and out of order and half of them lost. I've written out flow charts that I designed myself and half the time I forget to use them. When I write, I'm "in the moment" to quote the acting community.

On the Hunt

Alright. I've Twittered you promising a fun way to win prizes via the Desert Breeze Publishing Scavenger Hunt! Now, if you have already been participating in the hunt, you'll find the question posted about my book, Crucifying Angel by Michelle Sutton on her blog at http://edgyinspirationalauthor.blogspot.com! If you've visited Desert Breeze Publishing or read the book you'll know from Crucifying Angel's blurb that it takes place in...Las Vegas Nevada!
The next question for you is: What are the names of the hero and heroine in Barri Bryan's contemporary romance entitled Search For Paradise? If you're a determined hunter you can find the answer at http://barribryan.com/blog/ Good luck--there are terrific prizes for you!

I do have one question of my own for you aside from the Hunt however. I'd love to know if you, my little reader babies, read only one genre' (romance, historical, sci-fi, etc.) and why or why not (if you read more than one genre)?
Let the opinions fly!

The Egypsy Has Spoken.